Farmville
Out of a myriad of possible farming simulations on Facebook, I chose FarmVille. There was no selective reasoning behind this choice, only the tempting offer of a free pig from an acquaintance. So with swine under one arm, I picked up my hoe and wandered on down to the little patch of land that developer Zynga had reserved for me.
Your farm starts off a as a large grassy field with only a few tilled squares in the centre, some already burgeoning with juicy crops. By harvesting those you’ll earn a smattering of coins that can then be reinvesting in ploughing more of your field and growing further crops. Seeds on offer vary from quick growing strawberries that will only bring in a return of a few coins, to cotton and artichokes which take several days to reach maturity but can turn a healthy profit once picked. Experience can be gained from everything you plant and do with more seeds unlocking as you level up.
Eventually most of your land will have turned brown with exposed earth, with shoots of a variety of fruits and vegetables eagerly poking through the soil. Around your harvest animals can be brought in for regular milking and shearing and trees can be planted to produce your own mini-orchards.
The trouble is, that’s about it. Whilst Farmville doesn’t require much maintenance, just the odd check up when a crop needs picking, most of your interactions will involve systematically clicking on each of your dozens of squares three times: first to pick, then plough and finally to plant the next batch of seeds. Your raison d’être is to simply grow things so once you’ve grown one batch about the only option open to you is to grow some more.
Unlike games such as Harvest Moon, Viva Pinata or even Animal Crossing, there is no sense of progression in the world, either. There is no chance to marry the neighbouring farmer’s daughter, no wonder of a newly discovered species and generally no character in this bland, isometric world. The offer of purchasing colourful houses and balloons attempt to dissuade you from my last statement but as interaction with such objects is at an utter minimum it’s tough to be won over.
3/10
Crazy Planets
Best described as Worms meets Mario Galaxy, Crazy Planets is a classic turn-based combat game played out upon circular planet levels where you need to destroy an invading robot horde. Starting out with a bazooka and a batch of grenades, players carefully lob explosives around the map towards their foe, watching them arc through the planet’s gravity as they go.
The comparison’s with Worms is all too great and Crazy Planets does seem as though it is an expansion pack for the normal Team 17 formula. The scenery may not be destructive but the circular worlds prove a good twist on a well trod formula, adding a different level tactics knowing full well that an overly ambitious shot may come back and hit you in the back should it complete a full orbit.
As enemies are destroyed metal is collected from their remains and this currency can be plumbed into upgrading existing weapons or creating new ones. Cluster bombs and energy swords being just two smaller examples with titles like Big Boomer awaiting those who are willing to horde resources for big rewards.
Out of the smattering of games that I have encountered on Facebook, Crazy Planets probably utilises the platform the best. Aside from the traditional you-can-visit-your-friend’s-planet/farm/mafia, the in-game characters’ heads are taken from you and your friends’ profile pictures. With a little cropping, scaling and rotating my blue haired self and my brother’s bearded face were both roaming around dispatching the crazed robots that threatened my home planet.
6/10
Parking Wars
The concept of parking illegally is an interesting and somewhat dubious choice of subject matter for a game. If it were to explore the ethical background behind authorities dictating where or where not someone may park their car and should they in turn profit from individuals flaunting those rules, you might have had a thought provoking app. What you have instead here is a tedious affair with minimal interaction and even less satisfaction.
Given a small fleet of cars and a street bearing your name, you must park other people’s street for as long as possible, clocking up fines as you go with a view to amassing the largest fine possible. Should someone look at their street and find you on there they’ll kick you off meaning your fine stops ticking up and you must find a new place to park. There is no hidden depth, there is no skill, and there is definitely no reason why anyone to play Parking Wars apart from to unlock more cars to continue the charade.
1/10
I make my living as a programmer at a British games developer. In my spare time I try and spread myself between writing, gaming, drumming, goalkeeping, rolling dice and keeping my hair blue. Somewhere around that my wife fits in.
Disclaimer: the views expressed are my own and do not neccessarily reflect those of my employer. "
