No internet = no fun times.

Have you ever been in that situation when you’re cut off from the internet?

You’re living an empty existence, a hollow shell of the gamer you once were. You feel like a smoker on the verge of giving up for good. You sweat more, swearing becomes part of your daily vocabulary and you feel alone. So alone in your dark, empty hole of ‘no connection’, you feel like you are the only person in the world. Aside from the nagging girlfriend, telling you to wash, because staring at the screen and screaming at Sky won’t make it happen any quicker.

I have been the last two weeks. It’s seriously not fun

Coupling the Christmas break and the rather awesome, yet disruptive weather conditions has prevented the delivery of our router from a new internet provider. Although I do partially blame their lack of ‘seasonal foresight’, I can’t really blame them for the weather.

Isn’t it weird though? How we’ve become so reliable on being able to leap on the net. Clearly the biggest upset has been the inability to jump onto all my favourite social networking sites. Sad as it is, I use Facebook’s event’s calendar to plan my weekends. It’s like the lazy man’s diary but with pictures and stupid comments from friends. We may have to put up with a million status updates about how much certain people miss their ‘mow cat’ , but hey- a small price to pay. The block button is always there.

It didn’t take long to dawn on me that no internet means no Xbox Live,and damn that’s the hardest bit. Is it just me or do you take comfort in just knowing you’ve got friends online? There’s something warming about knowing that Rhi Mcfee and Mapoo are online hampering human existence as Louisianan undead avatars in Left For Dead 2. Or General Garcia meeting up with the boys for a night of Fifa 10. Or Extreme Jimbob still playing Halo 3; that’s commitment. Knowing you can send a quick message to any of them, that they’re just on the other side of the ‘web’, assures me other people like doing this too. I’m not alone in my obsession.

Then you’re offline. Every time you hit that dashboard button, all you see are those 4 isolating words- ‘Connect to Xbox Live’. I’ve never felt so alone. Wee Man kindly hooked me up with a copy of Assassins Creed 2 to help me through the ‘dark age’, but I’m still struggling. “I’ll just go check Halo Way point….” nope. “I’ll just go and beat some scores on Trials HD…” Nope. THEN my DLC for Rock band has mysteriously become corrupt. You can’t even SING badly offline!

Am I alone here? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Do those games not requiring the fabled connection, so like a nicotine patch, really satisfy your needs

Header artwork by Michelle Harvey. Check out some more of her stuff here because its awesome.