It takes a lot to be considered a particularly bad movie tie-in these days. Such are our middling expectations for any film-based product that it’s almost automatic to think of bland platformers, thoroughly average production values, and the occasional smattering of Hollywood voice talent thrown into the mix. Granted, there are the odd exceptions here and there, but by enlarge, these are the types of games that a clueless mother picks up at the behest of a screaming child on a Saturday afternoon; serving as a perfectly adequate pastime for those with a particular affinity for whatever god-awful celluloid dirge the software is ‘inspired’ by.
It’s somewhat refreshing then, to come across a product like ‘Jumper : Griffin’s Story’ from time to time. Not only does this game reaffirm your worst fears over movie-licensed software, but it does so with such a flagrant disregard for the purchasing public that it really belongs in a category of videogame hell that’s all it’s own. (maybe Superman 64 and E.T. for the Atari 2600 might make the cut)
“Only God should have this power”
The game then, is based on the hit movie of the same name, starring Mannequin Skywalker and the kid from Billy Elliot (which is a shame, as the lad can actually act). The film itself is based around the concept of ‘jumpers’ – a small group of people that have the ability to teleport themselves around the world in the blink of an eye – and the somewhat shady ‘Paladins’ – the religious zealots that want them dead; presumably for managing to bend the rules of the almighty creator in such an obvious fashion.
Literary classic it most certainly isn’t, but as a premise, it’s not a bad starting point for an action-oriented videogame. However, the initial concept proves to be the high point, because most of what Brash Entertainment have attempted here simply fails on every single level; and I’m using the word ‘attempted’ in it’s loosest possible meaning.
“So you’re a Paladin and I’m a Jumper. What happens now?”
Rather predictably, the majority of the game involves battering wave after wave of opponents with a fairly simple combat system. Instead of a traditional fighting mechanic with directional input, Jumper tasks you with simply mashing any of the four face buttons to teleport yourself to the corresponding side of your assailant and land a blow. You don’t even need to touch the analogue stick outside of walking to your next encounter, and whilst there are a few combo attacks on offer, they tend to be so simple it isn’t even worthwhile using them for the most part.
Enemies come in one of three or four flavours, ranging from the grunts that can be knocked down with a couple of swipes, through to some trickier opponents that require attacking from specific directions. The game indicates this by producing a green glow on the side of the assailant that you should be facing, with a red circle indicating that you’ll be countered on the other sides. In that respect, the already pathetically basic combat turns into a simple, first-level game of ‘Simon Says’ – and the only thing you have to do is remember to push the button that corresponds with green.
The environment itself is a series of bland and entirely linear rooms with little decoration, complete with magical gates that swing shut every few minutes; indicating yet another fight to wade through. This really is as basic as it gets, and barely qualifies itself above a tech-demo in terms of content.
“Take a deep breath“
The storyline is told via some spectacularly underwhelming comic book interludes that make absolutely no sense whatsoever (and I’m speaking as someone that has seen the film), with some ‘comedy’ cinematics that trigger on each finishing move. These little asides are marginally interesting at first, depicting Griffin in the act of teleporting his opponent to a remote location, then sumarily dropping them off to a vicious death; but they soon begin to grate. Indeed as the action itself is so straight forward, you’ll be seeing them every few minutes later on in the game, with the transition back into gameplay taking a good 5-6 seconds every time. Excellent work.
Compounding all of the above is an engine that couldn’t even be described as PS2-standard, let alone being worthy of a next-gen console. Indeed, 90% of the Playstation 2 catalogue would outclass Jumper’s primitive graphical offering; with texturing that would look more at home on a PS1, and lighting effects that are so primitive as to simply become non-existent in most locations. The most direct comparison would be that of a student computing project, but when you consider the level of quality inherent in the independent games scene these days, it’d be an insult to that particular fraternity.
“There are always consequences!”
Whilst I’m loathe to consider the rather qualitative subject of ‘value’ in gaming, it would be remiss at this stage not to point out the rather glaring flaws here. Jumper is a full-price game with absolutely no multiplayer features, no replay value, and a campaign that lasts for a total of two hours. I’ve run through tutorials and first levels that last longer than this, and for £40 there really is no alternative than to call this out as a complete and utter sham of a title, for which both developer and publisher should be thoroughly ashamed – which they evidently are, as (rather famously by now) neither company lists the game in their portfolio of work.
This is the very definition of shovelware; a title that was designed simply to extract money from unsuspecting movie fans, with absolutely no qualms about plumbing the depths of quality to make a fast buck. It’s the digital equivalent of the bloke that sells knock-off batteries at your local market, but with the added bonus that Jumper doesn’t even offer up the prospect of value as compensation. It’s a pathetic, reprehensible mess that gives the industry a bad name. If only the console manufacturers would return to the days of quality assurance; perhaps then we’d avoid drivel like this, and a hardware brand would actually mean something again.
Professional enthusiast, videogame "journalist" and all-round spectacular sofa dweller. "
2 Comments
I was warned to stay away from the film, I think I may treat the game with the same level of avoidance.
Thats the coolest review you’ve ever written! ooh i love it when your angry!