We may have had an extended weekend, but it’s not just been spent having street parties and waving flags. We’ve been comtemplating the top seven members of gaming’s royal family.
7. King Jingaling
A friend of Banjo and Kazooie, this high ranking Jinjo is all about his people. In Banjo Tooie, when Gruntilda and her sisters scare off his entire village, he implores the bear and bird duo to find his subjects and bring them back for a game of Kickball. Sadly, during events, he’s turned into a zombie, but that’s all sorted by the end of the adventure.
He reappears in Nuts & Bolts although in slightly less glamorous surroundings, having opened up a Bingo hall by the pier. A lesson to bear in mind for all those on the Civil List.
6. King of All Comsos
Most parents are embarrassing, but for the poor Prince in Katamari Damacy having your father where a skin tight outfit and a ruff the size of Saturn’s rings is only the start of it. The series only turned into a video game as the King got so drunk he accidentally destroyed every star in the universe. Parents! Tsk.
Despite the Prince’s help he’s never happy with his efforts, usually belittling or berating him. Quite why Prince puts up with it is anyone’s guess, though it could be that one day he hopes to inherit his father’s natty wardrobe.
5. Locust Queen
More family issues as we look upon The Locust Queen from Gears of War. Rumoured to be Marcus Fenix’s mother, it opens up a whole new set of mother-son emotional turmoil and psychology that the ancient Greeks would have a field day with. Eat your heart out Oedipus.
A mainstay in the Tekken series, King is a distinctive fighter thanks to appearing to have the head of a Jaguar. Disappointingly however it is supposed to be a mask, having been inspired by Japanese and Mexican wrestlers, but I still like to think there’s a man-cat on the rosta.
Amusingly, King never speaks, instead just growling at passers-by. It seems to work well enough though as they understand everything this pussy cat purrs.
3. King Dedede
The bird with a hammer taller than himself, King Dedede is the self-professed King of Dreamland, a title Kirby does not take kindly to. It’s a love hate relationship though as Kirby has been caught breaking into Dedede’s castle on more than one occasion to fill his ever hungry belly.
The answers as to how an overweight penguin in a kimono learned how to wield such a large hammer or indeed become king of a land are sadly lost in the mists of time.
2. Dark Queen
A trip back to the land of 8-bit now as we look upon the cruel beauty of The Dark Queen, nemesis of the Battletoads. Dressed in rather unsuitable attire for most royal duties – she’d have caught her death of cold during Sunday’s flotilla – she regularly appeared as the final boss in many of the series’ instalments.
She was a true cartoon villain. Controlling an army of hopeless pig- and rat-men, she would constantly bemoan their uselessness whilst regularly turning up in between levels to mock the Battletoads. A definite product of the 80s.
1. Queen of Blades
It seems like we could find no “nice” queens on our search through videogame history. Though all seem young, confident women who obviously work out and are careful with what they eat, they’re also liable to send the universe down the plug-hole at a moment’s notice. We round out our list with the Queen of Blades from Starcraft II.
Formerly Sarah Kerrigan, this once Terran Ghost was taken by the Zerg before being mutated into a human-Zerg hybrid. Her powerful psychic abilities lead her to be spared a life of suffering and instead she went on to rule the swarm, taking on the title Queen of Blades. Can’t quite see a Royal gaining much public sympathy if they ever adopted that moniker in Britain.